dusty sky
2004-12-05 @ 12:15 p.m.

Last few hours alone with the dog. My mom comes back tonight. I hope everything went well.
The dog is taking so much of my time, space and strenght...I didn't know a such small thing can be such a big job. But it's my dog by the way.
I always fight with the eat-don't eat...drink-don't drink thing. I know I have or don't have to. It's always too much or not enough.
Yesterday I felt so alone walking in the streets and seeing all those ppl looking for Christmas presents, buying so much stuff. It was the first time this week I felt lonely without my mom. And it's the first Christmas I don't have any present's ideas nor for me or my mother. I just don't want or need anything. And I don't have a clue what she would like to have.
I'm sort of happy I'm taking these anti-depressants coze I don't know how would I cope with those up-coming Christmas days. I'll probably be in a horrible state of depression. Or rather I actually AM in this horrible state of depression but the pills cover my real feelings and thoughts. And this is horrible. Hiding the truth in order to keep going on. This is everything but not normal.
And I've just noticed there's a layer of dust on my key-board. Fuck.

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