the missed past
2004-09-14 @ 10:30 p.m.

I really think I should do a proper entry with some deep feelings and thoughts instead of some shitty whining on myself and on my almost always drunken life.

I know I act like a not grown teenie. I know that. I know what ppl are thinking about me. Grow finally up and stop acting like a fucked up bitch girl !

They should keep repeating it to me everyday...and maybe I'll realize I have to become an adult...soon I'll be 30 years old...

And I still don't want to grow up... anorexia has eaten my best teenie years away..I'm still trying to catch all what I've missed...and I still don't want to realize I'll never be a teenie again..that's the past...my missed past life I'll never live again...we don't have a second chance...and I'm so angry for not having lived what I should have lived....(err...sorry for grammar and spelling guys)...

I think I'm angry at Life with a big L....

I think I should start to like what I have and what life has given to me...but for now it's still impossible...I should be my own therapist but I'm not intelligent enough to point out all my problems...

And it's raining...here comes the fall again...*sigh*

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